


I Tried to Use a Maroon 5 Lyric for This, But None of Them Really Captured This Quite Right

by eversincewebrent



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Adam Levine's Halloween Party, Bathroom Sex, Halloween, M/M, Tentacle Sex, Tentacles, i dont even know what to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 03:38:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12356649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eversincewebrent/pseuds/eversincewebrent
Summary: The only thing Panic! At The Disco and Maroon 5 have in common is a taste for music videos with tentacle monsters in them.





	I Tried to Use a Maroon 5 Lyric for This, But None of Them Really Captured This Quite Right

**Author's Note:**

> yall already know what the fuck is up
> 
> i couldnt NOT write a halloween fic
> 
> and whats more cliche than good ol adam levine halloween party smut
> 
> granted the tentacles are an, added bonus? 
> 
> this ones a ride

Surely Brendon was just high and paranoid. Or really, really drunk. I mean, either of those options would definitely be better than the dilemma he was currently faced with. Fuck, man, if it was who he thought it was, he was in for a hell of a long night. He definitely wouldn’t be able to deal with how fucking awkward that encounter would be. It’s halloween, for fuck’s sake, he should be able to enjoy himself. 

You know, it’s not even that he doesn’t want to talk to Ryan. Ryan sounds.. okay. I mean, it’s just with the whole split thing, you get it, don’t you? Yeah, majorly fuckin’ awkward. And, like he’s thinking, he just doesn’t want to deal with that kind of drama on a badass holiday like this.

Eventually, Brendon comes to the conclusion that he’d rather say “Hey, Yeah, I’m good man, See you around then, yeah?” than be caught avoiding Ryan’s gaze, because he was beginning to see Ryan’s eyes land in his corner of the room a little bit too often. So what he does is he sucks it up; so what if his hand slightly tightens around Sarah’s waist when he makes his way over? He’s not nervous or anything, what the hell, why would you even think that? He’s performed in front of tens of thousands of people, this is absolutely goddamn nothing to him. 

So what Brendon’s hoping is that Ryan didn’t see him bolt to the half bath when Brendon was only a few yards away from him. Maybe by some miracle? Okay, no, he definitely saw, that’s so fucking embarrassing, what the fuck Brendon? Oh fuck, now Sarah’s probably just looking fucking lost, and he really should’ve fucking thought about that, oh shit. He can see around the corner, and Ryan’s getting up, and oh my god, he better not be coming over to the bathrooms, holy fuck. 

It seems that Brendon’s luck just completely left him today, because apparently Ryan has to piss, or so he told some girl that was definitely trying to get lucky. When faced with ex-bandmates, Brendon does the logical thing, and he hides in the bathroom. Ryan can use the other bathroom, he reasons, because apparently Adam Levine has two fucking bathrooms next to each other, and, huh, that’s convenient. 

Brendon breathes a sigh of relief, that was so goddamn close, but he could get through this. Might as well explore the bathroom while he waits, because, well, shit, he left his phone with Sarah. The sink’s dripping water, and really, Adam has two bathrooms right next to each other but not a decent plumber? There’s a gurgling from the drain in the sink, and Brendon goes to investigate, there’s nothing else to fuckin’ do.  
His first natural reaction upon seeing a mysterious red blob deep inside the pipe in the drain was, well fuck, who the fuck cuts themselves at Adam Levine’s halloween party? His second thought was, well fuck, I just might if Ryan takes any longer to piss. 

Then he got a closer look, “What the fuck?” Fuck, he said that out loud. Ryan still wasn’t out, thank god, but seriously, Ryan had to be jacking off in there, he was taking so fucking long. That’s beside the point, the point is, there’s literally a fucking tentacle rising out of the drain, and Adam Levine really does need a new plumber. Then there’s another one joining it, and maybe he’s the one that needs a new dealer. 

By the time Brendon actually hears the click of the door to the next bathroom over, he fucking screams because he didn’t think hallucinated tentacles could pin you to a wall. 

“Brendon?” This is so not the time, oh my god. Then he hears the click of the door, even though he could’ve sworn he locked it, then Ryan was in the door, staring at the giant, thing, invading Brendon’s personal space.

“That chick had some powerful ass drugs.”

“Hey, so, man, I know we haven’t really talked in a while, but it’d be absolutely great if you could help get this thing off me.”

Ryan walked forward, to, you know, see what the fuck was going on with this whole tentacle situation, but was pushed back by, you guessed it, yet another tentacle. Ryan sort of awkwardly stood slightly behind the tentacle that pushed him back, and he couldn’t go back out to get help, there was another tentacle that blocked the entrance, fuck, how did another one get there, and his thoughts were kinda cloudy, because there was an actual fucking tentacle monster holding them, well, hostage, for lack of better word, and maybe if his thoughts weren’t so run-on his lyrics wouldn’t be, also, wow, this is some horrible flow of words, see, that just sounded wrong, how is his own head betraying him at this exact fucking moment, also-

Dude, there was literally a fucking tentacle monster holding them hostage. Can tentacles touch things? Because if they can, there was definitely a tentacle touching Brendon’s dick. It was just out in the goddamn open. That’s okay with Ryan, because he definitely has at least a few inches on him, the fucker, but he supposes that this isn’t really a time to brag about how big his cock is. But back to the scene, the tendril was… stroking? Brendon’s cock, and man, this was much better as a fantasy back in 2008 for pathetic jerk sessions. Nowadays his tastes have matured of course, he’d rather imagine Zac Efron getting fucked by tentacles, this scene was old news. 

Ryan was just staring at him, he hoped that Ryan’s dick was smaller than his, at least. Come to think of it, he’s pretty sure he saw Ryan changing back in Nintendo Fusion, and his dick was definitely bigger than Ryan’s. The problem at hand, yes, tentacle rape. Well, his head was kinda fucked at that point, might as well enjoy it. Back in 2008, this was his fantasy, so hey, that counts for something. Or was it Ryan that was doing the fucking instead of whatever the fuck this was? It doesn’t really matter; same thing. Point is, if a tentacle is currently sliding into his pants, he might as well have the time of his fucking life. 

Ryan misses the days when guitars would hide his on-stage boners, ‘cause this situation is going to be really hard to explain off to Brendon as to why he was getting hard at a tentacle forcing itself into Brendon’s mouth. Then again, he doesn’t think Brendon will be reciting this story at parties. So here’s the situation: Brendon’s moaning, loudly at that, while a fucking tentacle monster is in his ass and mouth, all with his stupid fucking skeleton makeup, that really ruins the mood, goddamn. Ryan’s had worse halloweens. Maybe if he’s lucky he can make him wash off that weird ass makeup and fuck him. Seriously, the makeup is just the worse. Who the fuck would wear that? It’s so unneeded, so busy. Makeup is, like, totally gay, and Ryan is totally scoffing inside his head right now. 

So Ross isn’t Brendon’s first choice of Ryans to be watching him get fucked, but hey, variety is the spice of life. Hey, close enough. Ryan Gosling is definitely hotter, but Brendon’ll settle. He should mention that in an interview. That’d throw off the expired rumors about him and Ross. He has to make sure to make a mental note of that. 

Really the only thing going through Brendon’s mind right now was whether or not the tentacle could come like in the pornos. He wasn’t really sure if he’d like tentacle come dripping out of his ass, but there’s a first time for everything. Honestly, perfect timing, with it being halloween and all. He looks back over at Ryan, who has an obvious boner, and he smirks. As well as he can with the tentacle stuffed in his mouth. He’s totally going to tell Sarah about this. Or, on second thought, he should probably hold off on that. Hey, where did the tentacle that was stroking him off go? He considers Ryan for a second, but honestly, fuck that dude, and he reaches his hand down to his crotch. The tentacle doesn’t agree, and snaps his hand back up to the wall. Why tentacles have orgasm denial kinks is beyond Brendon, but he can totally roll with this. 

So maybe the sex starts to plateau since he can’t really get the full pleasure effect, but Brendon’s a creative guy. He can make his own fun. The logical thing to do at this point is to mess with Ryan. Maybe if he was in a different headspace he’d realize that that wouldn’t exactly help their relationship, but that didn’t really matter to him at that point. Anyways, Brendon amps up the vocals on his moaning, generic pornstar moans. This better be enough to get to Ryan, because Brendon’s very comfortable where he is without trying to hit all Ryan’s weird kinks, thank you very much. 

Holy shit, Brendon has to be faking, he’s heard him have sex plenty of times in adjoining tour hotel rooms, and while Ryan preferred to wear earbuds on those nights, it was usually classical music that he needed to block out the sound, not screamo. Sadly, if Ryan tried to deny his vocal kink, he would be lying through his teeth. Sometimes you end up as a successful, I don’t know, fucking lawyer or something, and sometimes you end up getting hard watching your ex best friend get fucked by a tentacle in Adam Levine’s bathroom. 

At this point, Ryan didn’t really think there was any room for shame, and maybe if he wasn’t wearing a zip up costume this would be easier to do, so he had to settle for just sort of palming himself through the.. fur? on his costume. It wasn’t ideal, but neither was getting fucked by a tentacle, so he figures he got the good end of the deal anyways. As soon as his hand made contact with his crotch, he saw the corner of Brendon’s mouth turn up in a weird, half-smile. Half because there was, of course, still a bulging fucking tentacle in his mouth. Oh my god, Ryan so wasn’t going to play Brendon’s fucked up sex game, jesus fuck, so he reluctantly pulls his hand away from his crotch. Ryan almost mentions the time he woke up to Brendon rutting against his leg on the couch back in 2006 or some shit, but then he remembered the whole “being the bigger person” thing he was going to do. 

Brendon totally got him to touch himself, oh my god, Ryan was so sad nowadays, whereas he was… well. I mean, he wasn’t always getting fucked by tentacles at parties. God, fuck, the tentacle was finally hurrying this thing along, god, tentacles don’t know how to please their partners, do they? Worst. Sex. Ever. It won’t even stroke him off, jesus christ, does that tentacle even know who he is? He’s famous. Sorta. 

Finally, the tentacle pulls out of his mouth, so it’s just sorta awkward with only the one tentacle in him, and he doesn’t really have anywhere to look, so his eyes just kinda land on Ryan, and the whole thing is very uncomfortable, to say the least. And since Ryan has long since given up on getting off, he’s just awkwardly staring back at him, and Brendon really should’ve just sucked it up and talked to Ryan originally. 

The last tentacle finishes up, no hentai come, and Brendon’s actually sort of surprised, but he can’t really dwell on it right now, because he’s still being held up against the wall by other weird tentacle limbs, and no, not Ryan’s. So eventually, the tentacles hastily let him down, which, Brendon must say, was not a very attractive way to place him back on the floor. The position he was in now was sort of kneeling in front of Ryan, and maybe that could be hot, if he wasn’t dressed as a fucking gremlin, and they were in, like, literally any other situation. 

The tentacles were gone by that point, but neither of them was that eager to walk out of the bathroom and pretend like nothing had happened, so they just sat on the floor of Adam Levine’s bathroom for a minute. The air was pretty heavy between them, and of course, who was Ryan not to offer Brendon a better lay than a tentacle monster. 

Did Ryan really just offer to fuck him? Really? Is the dude fuckin’ blind? Did he think he could get fucked by a tentacle for half an hour and not be sore? Brendon could get himself off, thank you very much. He also had a wife. Who was probably currently wandering around Adam Levine’s house, very confused as to where he disappeared to. Sarah’s cool like that though, she’ll totally understand that a tentacle just came out of the fucking drain and, you know, had intercourse with him. Of course she would. Why wouldn’t she?

“Hey man, so, I really wanted to brag to you about how much better off I am right now than you and how you made a huge fuckin’ mistake, but like, what the fuck just happened, right? So anyways, I gotta get back to Sarah and shit, but if you call me we can compare net worths.”

Ryan sighed. Guess he’d be going for the desperate chick outside after all.

**Author's Note:**

> i never do end notes but happy halloween fuckers; im sure the inventor of commas is rolling in his grave because of this story


End file.
